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Honestly, this has got to be the biggest statement of the bleeding obvious this week. Riding a bicycle and taking brisk walks is, apparently, associated with a reduced risk of weight gain – especially if you’re female and premenopausal. Whoah, stop the press.

Okay, so it’s a bit more complicated than that. Actually, it’s quite complicated, so I’m going to quote from the press release:

“According to the results of the study, women who did not bicycle in 1989 but increased their bicycling by 2005 were less likely to have gained weight, even when riding for five minutes a day. Even less weight gain was seen with greater duration of bicycling. Comparatively, women who initially bicycled for more than 15 minutes day in 1989 but decreased time by 2005 gained more weight. Additionally, normal-weight women who bicycled more than four hours a week in 2005 had lower odds of gaining more than 5 percent of their baseline body weight, as reported in 1989, compared with those who reported no bicycling.”

Please, make it stop.

The study is the work of researchers from none less than the Harvard School of Public Health. What’s more, it was published in the Archives of Internal Medicine – an incredibly well respected medical journal. And the reason for the study? The lack of available research on bicycle riding and weight control in comparison with walking. Er, okay.

But wait, it gets better. The same study discovered that slow walking does not appear to offer the same benefits as brisk walking. No shit. Now that really is earth-shattering, isn’t it?

Now I hate to be negative about anything, but I really must be missing the point of this piece of astounding medical research. And what’s next, I wonder? Eating cake five times a day may make you a bit of a podge? Or twirling on the spot for five whole minutes just might make you a bit dizzy?

Someone enlighten me, please…